A Calendar Full of Roses

Living in the present has always been something I value. Moving to Portland, the City of Roses, felt like a fitting reminder to occasionally stop and smell them. Before residency, I was certain that the key to happiness was to focus on today and try not to spend too much energy worrying about tomorrow.

Then, my pharmacy residency at Legacy Health made me think differently.

Like most residents, I quickly learned that the list of things to do never really ends. Between journal clubs, topic discussions, meetings, presentations, initiatives and everything else, there was always something that demanded my attention. Before long, I found myself trying to stay afloat (not my strongest skill, given that I’m a terrible swimmer). My solution was to create a list of small deadlines and checkpoints that kept me moving forward. This worked, but the deadlines and checkpoints also left me constantly focused on the next task, the next project and the next responsibility.

At the same time, residency also had me thinking about the future. One question that follows residents everywhere is: “So, what comes next?” It’s a reasonable question, but one I’ve never felt in a rush to answer. While I think preparing for the future is important, I also realize how easy it is to create unnecessary stress by trying to map out every step ahead.

What surprised me, though, was realizing that what helped me get through residency wasn't focusing exclusively on the present. It was having things to look forward to.

During the past two years in residency, I’ve intentionally incorporated small bits of anticipation into my routine. On Sundays, I play pickleball. On staffing compensation days, I book a massage. On Thursdays, I watch the newest episode of The Pitt. On Fridays, I try a restaurant I’ve been wanting to visit. Weekends mean I am not on staffing, so I try to drive somewhere new and exciting. None of these events are particularly life-changing, but they give shape to each week. During stressful stretches, they also serve as reminders that residency isn't the only thing happening in my life.

For the longest time, I viewed being present and looking ahead as opposing ideas. If I was striving to live in the moment, shouldn't I just stop thinking about the future?

Residency has changed my perspective on that idea. I've realized that insignificant things to anticipate can make it easier to stay present. Having something to look forward to next week doesn't pull me away from today but rather helps me navigate through today. It creates balance and provides perspective. It reminds me that life isn't just a series of tasks to complete before reaching some future destination.

Looking back, I was wrong. Living in the present isn't about refusing to look ahead. For me, it's about finding a balance between the two. The future doesn't have to be a source of stress; sometimes it can be a source of motivation, excitement or comfort. When the future consists of something as simple as a pickleball game, dinner at a new restaurant, or taking a drive, it can make the present feel a little lighter too.

Living in Portland still reminds me to stop and smell the roses. These days, though, I've learned that, sometimes, it also helps to have something to look forward to after you leave the garden.